Stop and Listen

You’ve been there. I know you have.

Someone is sitting across from you, talking about whatever, when your cell phone makes its cute noise, alerting you that a new text has come through. Using all your willpower, you politely wait until the person across from you has finished speaking. Then you say, “Excuse me. I have to check this text,” and proceed to open the message.

Right? That’s how it works, doesn’t it?

What? Really?! You don’t wait until the person who is present with you in the room stops speaking to check the message from the person who cannot see whether you have checked his/her text in .09 seconds flat?

Or what about this? Last night I was browsing on craigslist on our laptop, and my husband started telling me something. I immediately put the laptop cover down, fixed my blue eyes on his, and listened intently, drinking in every word, responding appropriately with, “And how do you feel about that?”

Nope. The truth is I looked up from the screen for a few seconds so that he knew I had heard him and continued to dart my eyes back to the screen every now and then so that I could keep scrolling down the page. I’m a great multi-tasker; I certainly can surf the web and listen to my husband speak at the same time.

My supreme ability to multi-task is not the point.

The point is when I divert my attention from the person with me in the flesh to pick up a text or an e-mail or to browse on the computer (or to read the paper or that book, for those who are behind the digital times), I have lessened the value of that other person. I have sent a signal, however subtle, that whatever I am looking at is more important than whoever is speaking to me.

It might be what everyone else does. After all, that’s the beauty of technology these days. Everything and everyone is just a click or buzz or keystroke away. But since when should we continue to do something because everyone else does?

“When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3, New Century Version)

My goal should be to give value to others, to honor them above what I have to do or want to do. One small way to practice that is to give my full focus and attention to the person in the room with me.

Think about it the next time you’re having a conversation with someone and your phone goes off. I dare you to put off checking that text and stay focused on the person in front of you.

Catch yourself the next time the computer screen tempts you to take a peek while another person is speaking. I dare you to turn away from the screen and lock eyes with the one who is talking to you.

Putting your needs and desires on hold will send a strong message that you value other people and truly care about what they have to say.